Oh Zen...

Things I find Zen-ful:
My thursday night yoga class
Walking to work in the morning
Visualizing myself on a beach
Getting lost in an art project

Things I don't find Zen-ful:
Looking around my dirty apartment - getting overwhelmed
Sitting at work with nothing to do
Arguing with my family
Feeling overbooked

Every now and then I forget my resolution. I forget that I'm trying to simplify my life and maintain a Zen mindset. I get lost in the hussle and bussle of summer events, forgetting to take two seconds to just breathe and reset. This is why I love my thursday night yoga class. It forces me to be in the moment for an hour, as opposed to furture thinking or ruminating about past conversations.

I believe I have too much on my plate right now, it's hard to keep it steady. A couple of weeks ago, we made a roles and contexts map for a class project. We were asked to identify our different roles, and what contexts they fall under. Then we had to map out connections, strains, and provide adjectives or descriptors to define how we fill that role, or what that role brings out in us. On my map, the only strain I noticed was my determination to be independent yet desire for intimacy. Seemed simple enough at the time.

Over that last week or so, I've noticed that I completely underestimated my roles. Or more accurately, I completely underestimated what these roles demand of me. I'm not just a sister, I'm a maid of honor. I'm not just a student, I'm a graduate student in the home stretch. I'm not just an intern, I'm an applicant for a full-time job. I'm not just a friend, I'm a future roommate with 6 weeks to get ready to move. I'm not just a volunteer for 4H, I'm an adult staff member, committee member, and training director.

Suddenly, my simple "To Do List" has become a "Shit that needs to get done in order to keep my job, raise my grades, keep my boss happy, assist my sister, and organize my personal life List." It would be nice if a week was 9 days long.